Gibberings
Dad told me never to use XTREE when he wasn’t in the room.
August 19, 2008 ~ 11:07:39 PM * -07:00ST
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Log # 424
2008-07-19: Coagulated Twittering
- Etsy orders from the past week, sealed with shrink wrap torn from the bodies of the local “fetish models”. 7 Bat Smax sold this month alone. #
- @rikkisimons You don’t actually have to hit “send” and start a new tweet until you hit 140 characters, sir. Please, think of the childrens. #
- @rikkisimons Oscar Wilde was paid by the word. We’re paying by the text message. And Sprint is a harsher mistress than Victoriana. #
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Eliza Gauger on July 19th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 423
2008-07-17: Coagulated Twittering
- @johnny_c As your father, it hurts me to hear you say that. We let you paint your room whatever color you wanted. #
- Joy: Approaching a woman standing outside the ladies’ room, inquiring if there’s a line (there is), and proceeding into the (empty) men’s. #
- @jhnenvee Oh god, sorry. I forgot. This is really more your speed: DAAAAHHH WHY U CANCEL ZIMM JOHNEN HUH? HONK DUH SLOBBER #
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Eliza Gauger on July 17th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 422
2008-07-16: Coagulated Twittering
- @JhnenVEE Look, all of us at one time or another have craved a goatbox. It’s a pipe dream, my friend. Give it up. #
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Eliza Gauger on July 16th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 420
One at a Time
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2008-07-17: Coagulated Twittering
- @johnny_c As your father, it hurts me to hear you say that. We let you paint your room whatever color you wanted. #
- Joy: Approaching a woman standing outside the ladies’ room, inquiring if there’s a line (there is), and proceeding into the (empty) men’s. #
- @jhnenvee Oh god, sorry. I forgot. This is really more your speed: DAAAAHHH WHY U CANCEL ZIMM JOHNEN HUH? HONK DUH SLOBBER #
by
Eliza Gauger on July 17th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 422
2008-07-16: Coagulated Twittering
- @JhnenVEE Look, all of us at one time or another have craved a goatbox. It’s a pipe dream, my friend. Give it up. #
by
Eliza Gauger on July 16th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 420
One at a Time
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One at a Time
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Eliza Gauger on July 16th, 2008 ~ 04:19:44 AM
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Log # 418
The Horrible Story of Bat and How He Smaxed It Real Good, Once and for All
My worst enemy, Jhonen Vasquez, has a post over at his new “web log” that casts some light on the origins of the mysteriously popular Bat Smax oil painting:
As for how the thing came to be, well that’s the part I was getting to at the start before you acted like such a cretin and doubted me. See, one day, Gauger was sketching a little winged critter in her sketchbook, and being the respectful type I am famous for being, I snatched the book, said something along the lines of “Argghhlllbargh!” and did a quick revision of the same drawing, altering some of the angles, curves and overall proportions. She then took that image and…
Well, you’ll just have to discover for yourselves, how I managed to wrest creative control back from the flytrap-like grip of Mr. VEE. It involved punching him in the head, backwards, while looking the other way. I am that cool.
You got Bat in my Smax, bitch. [Mindspill]
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Eliza Gauger on July 15th, 2008 ~ 08:10:30 PM
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Log # 415
2008-07-14: Coagulated Twittering
- Finally launching for LA. At the general store buying supplies and extra oxen. Can I eat an entire watermelon, by myself, on the interstate? #
- @jhnenvee But what if I have to trade it to the indians for help fording a parking lot? #
- Had to bribe my way across the San Joaquin county line with two wagon axles and our only washtub of corn liquor. #
- Stanislaus County checkpoint asked me if I’m Sunni or Shiite. Told em I worship Yog the Animal God, and would they care for a votive kibble? #
- Think I lost them at Crow’s Landing. Three oxen down to gunfire, a fourth to trailside IED, but I could only carry 100lbs back to the Jetta. #
- Horrible news. Had to trade my last unlistened-to episode of This American Life to the Merced County militia for safe passage. #
- Replenishing grease vats from Santa Nella area Popeye’s. Due to rewards programs interchange fees, cajun breading is cheaper with cash pay. #
- Back on the road. Can just about manage my “meal” by twofisting the chicken chunks, and wearing the potato cup as a hat. Biscuit issues. #
- Whole body now has dewy, Maxim-style sheen due to Popeye’s replenishing lipids. Having trouble maintaining deathgrip on just about anything. #
- Cowschwitz. If you’re the serial killer in my backseat that’s been clamping farts since Alameda, now’s the chance for relief on the DL. #
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Eliza Gauger on July 14th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 414
2008-07-13: Coagulated Twittering
- @xseven re: new music - #1 - Bohren and der Club of Gore: David Lynchian ambient-noir. The soundtrack to a post-Blade Runner Edward Hooper. #
- @xseven re: new music - #2 - “Wonderland”, an album by Pogo using 90% samples from Disney’s Alice in Wonderland: http://tinyurl.com/6pesre #
- FreeRice.com is doing an excellent job of alternately rewarding my sesquipedalianism, and deepening reserves of obscure language. Hosannah. #
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Eliza Gauger on July 13th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 413
2008-07-12: Coagulated Twittering
- http://elizagauger.etsy.com - for all your Bat Smax needs, now open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. #
- @samanthrax That’s why you put the milk in FIRST. #
- Working floor at DNA Lounge. Gay party night. Girl just unleashed her bladder upon the floor, on purpose. The fairer sex, ladies and gents. #
- It figures, that even on gay Latin night, it’s the stupid bitches that fuck everything up. If you have a vagina, I hate you now. Forever. #
- Imagine it: you’re there, right, surrounded by men who won’t have sex with you. You have to take advantage of being judgment proof for once. #
- You have to do it: You have to whiz all over yourself, your toes all pee-squishy, then you gotta dance in it until security throws you out. #
- A fat drunk girl has just been escorted offstage for Being Too Hetero, Booty Shaking Badly, and trying to Fondle the Twinkmeat. #
- I am watching a Berkeley police officer drive his cruiser while chatting merrily on his cell phone. #
- GENTLEMEN: Earl Grey, hot, with a dash of french vanilla and chocolate. It needs a shot of steamed milk, but I have approached perfection. #
- The GTA series always had the most porous virtual/reality walls. Just now, in 7-11, a man answered his cell: “‘Eyyy Nico! What’s up, man?!” #
by
Eliza Gauger on July 12th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 412
Congress launches “Prints for Rent” program in outer Oort Colonies
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2008-07-13: Coagulated Twittering
- @xseven re: new music - #1 - Bohren and der Club of Gore: David Lynchian ambient-noir. The soundtrack to a post-Blade Runner Edward Hooper. #
- @xseven re: new music - #2 - “Wonderland”, an album by Pogo using 90% samples from Disney’s Alice in Wonderland: http://tinyurl.com/6pesre #
- FreeRice.com is doing an excellent job of alternately rewarding my sesquipedalianism, and deepening reserves of obscure language. Hosannah. #
by
Eliza Gauger on July 13th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 413
2008-07-12: Coagulated Twittering
- http://elizagauger.etsy.com - for all your Bat Smax needs, now open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. #
- @samanthrax That’s why you put the milk in FIRST. #
- Working floor at DNA Lounge. Gay party night. Girl just unleashed her bladder upon the floor, on purpose. The fairer sex, ladies and gents. #
- It figures, that even on gay Latin night, it’s the stupid bitches that fuck everything up. If you have a vagina, I hate you now. Forever. #
- Imagine it: you’re there, right, surrounded by men who won’t have sex with you. You have to take advantage of being judgment proof for once. #
- You have to do it: You have to whiz all over yourself, your toes all pee-squishy, then you gotta dance in it until security throws you out. #
- A fat drunk girl has just been escorted offstage for Being Too Hetero, Booty Shaking Badly, and trying to Fondle the Twinkmeat. #
- I am watching a Berkeley police officer drive his cruiser while chatting merrily on his cell phone. #
- GENTLEMEN: Earl Grey, hot, with a dash of french vanilla and chocolate. It needs a shot of steamed milk, but I have approached perfection. #
- The GTA series always had the most porous virtual/reality walls. Just now, in 7-11, a man answered his cell: “‘Eyyy Nico! What’s up, man?!” #
by
Eliza Gauger on July 12th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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Log # 412
Congress launches “Prints for Rent” program in outer Oort Colonies
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Congress launches “Prints for Rent” program in outer Oort Colonies
That’s right, droogles: prints are back in action on my Etsy store. I have a brand new printer and a shitload of mailing supplies.
go go go fucking go
Also still available: Twilight in the Roach Fields, which I am thinking about reducing in price.
by
Eliza Gauger on July 10th, 2008 ~ 02:09:32 AM
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Log # 411
2008-07-05: Coagulated Twittering
- @scamper Many thanks. Welcome to my own personal bullshit delivery system. #
- @GrammarBlog: http://is.gd/Mbj - Here ya go, one more reason to hate the universe! #
- Just got an asian paper lantern with included LED “candle” that flickers and is turned on and off by blowing on it. W. Oakland dollar store. #
- This casual propagation of what is, at its heart, miracle technology… Sometimes it tugs at my innards, makes me think maybe there’s hope. #
- @isforinsects seems to have come up with a partial solution for my 6/29 limerissue: he cuts them in half. This may or may not be acceptable. #
- @xSeven why don’t you just leave? In related news, @intoner is working floor at Paul Oakenfold in SF right now. Hoping for hateful tweets. #
- Douchebags still blasting shitty bass at 2AM. I pound the door and the junkie answers with an incredibly small boner tenting his PE shorts. #
- What I can’t figure out, is how this passel of wheat-blonde Berkeley fratboys is here, Oakland, arid homeland of thugs and goths. Why here? #
- I’ll be honest. I’m a wee bit upset that no one bothered to tell me that hair cuts, via a razor-cutter, are perfectly self-administratable. #
- http://twitpic.com/386v - Testing the arachnid medical fetish porn delivery system. Report in with results, erectile response, poll numbers. #
- @GrammarBlog You did that on purpose, you jerk. #
by
Eliza Gauger on July 5th, 2008 ~ 11:59:59 PM
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