Gibberings

2008-07-17: Coagulated Twittering

Eliza Gauger — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:59:59 +0000

@johnny_c As your father, it hurts me to hear you say that. We let you paint your room whatever color you wanted. #
Joy: Approaching a woman standing outside the ladies’ room, inquiring if there’s a line (there is), and proceeding into the (empty) men’s. #
@jhnenvee Oh god, sorry. I forgot. This is really more your speed: DAAAAHHH WHY U CANCEL ZIMM JOHNEN HUH? HONK DUH SLOBBER #

2008-07-16: Coagulated Twittering

Eliza Gauger — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 06:59:59 +0000

@JhnenVEE Look, all of us at one time or another have craved a goatbox. It’s a pipe dream, my friend. Give it up. #

One at a Time

Eliza Gauger — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:19:44 +0000

checkers, originally uploaded by vebelfetzer.

The Horrible Story of Bat and How He Smaxed It Real Good, Once and for All

Eliza Gauger — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 03:10:30 +0000

My worst enemy, Jhonen Vasquez, has a post over at his new “web log” that casts some light on the origins of the mysteriously popular Bat Smax oil painting:

As for how the thing came to be, well that’s the part I was getting to at the start before you acted like such a cretin and doubted me. See, one day, Gauger was sketching a little winged critter in her sketchbook, and being the respectful type I am famous for being, I snatched the book, said something along the lines of “Argghhlllbargh!” and did a quick revision of the same drawing, altering some of the angles, curves and overall proportions. She then took that image and…

Well, you’ll just have to discover for yourselves, how I managed to wrest creative control back from the flytrap-like grip of Mr. VEE. It involved punching him in the head, backwards, while looking the other way. I am that cool.

You got Bat in my Smax, bitch. [Mindspill]

2008-07-14: Coagulated Twittering

Eliza Gauger — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:59:59 +0000

Finally launching for LA. At the general store buying supplies and extra oxen. Can I eat an entire watermelon, by myself, on the interstate? #
@jhnenvee But what if I have to trade it to the indians for help fording a parking lot? #
Had to bribe my way across the San Joaquin county line with two wagon axles and our only washtub of corn liquor. #
Stanislaus County checkpoint asked me if I’m Sunni or Shiite. Told em I worship Yog the Animal God, and would they care for a votive kibble? #
Think I lost them at Crow’s Landing. Three oxen down to gunfire, a fourth to trailside IED, but I could only carry 100lbs back to the Jetta. #
Horrible news. Had to trade my last unlistened-to episode of This American Life to the Merced County militia for safe passage. #
Replenishing grease vats from Santa Nella area Popeye’s. Due to rewards programs interchange fees, cajun breading is cheaper with cash pay. #
Back on the road. Can just about manage my “meal” by twofisting the chicken chunks, and wearing the potato cup as a hat. Biscuit issues. #
Whole body now has dewy, Maxim-style sheen due to Popeye’s replenishing lipids. Having trouble maintaining deathgrip on just about anything. #
Cowschwitz. If you’re the serial killer in my backseat that’s been clamping farts since Alameda, now’s the chance for relief on the DL. #

2008-07-13: Coagulated Twittering

Eliza Gauger — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:59:59 +0000

@xseven re: new music - #1 - Bohren and der Club of Gore: David Lynchian ambient-noir. The soundtrack to a post-Blade Runner Edward Hooper. #
@xseven re: new music - #2 - “Wonderland”, an album by Pogo using 90% samples from Disney’s Alice in Wonderland: http://tinyurl.com/6pesre #
FreeRice.com is doing an excellent job of alternately rewarding my sesquipedalianism, and deepening reserves of obscure language. Hosannah. #

2008-07-12: Coagulated Twittering

Eliza Gauger — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 06:59:59 +0000

http://elizagauger.etsy.com - for all your Bat Smax needs, now open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. #
@samanthrax That’s why you put the milk in FIRST. #
Working floor at DNA Lounge. Gay party night. Girl just unleashed her bladder upon the floor, on purpose. The fairer sex, ladies and gents. #
It figures, that even on gay Latin night, it’s the stupid bitches that fuck everything up. If you have a vagina, I hate you now. Forever. #
Imagine it: you’re there, right, surrounded by men who won’t have sex with you. You have to take advantage of being judgment proof for once. #
You have to do it: You have to whiz all over yourself, your toes all pee-squishy, then you gotta dance in it until security throws you out. #
A fat drunk girl has just been escorted offstage for Being Too Hetero, Booty Shaking Badly, and trying to Fondle the Twinkmeat. #
I am watching a Berkeley police officer drive his cruiser while chatting merrily on his cell phone. #
GENTLEMEN: Earl Grey, hot, with a dash of french vanilla and chocolate. It needs a shot of steamed milk, but I have approached perfection. #
The GTA series always had the most porous virtual/reality walls. Just now, in 7-11, a man answered his cell: “‘Eyyy Nico! What’s up, man?!” #

Congress launches “Prints for Rent” program in outer Oort Colonies

Eliza Gauger — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 09:09:32 +0000

That’s right, droogles: prints are back in action on my Etsy store. I have a brand new printer and a shitload of mailing supplies.

—> http://elizagauger.etsy.com

go go go fucking go

Also still available: Twilight in the Roach Fields, which I am thinking about reducing in price.

2008-07-05: Coagulated Twittering

Eliza Gauger — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 06:59:59 +0000

@scamper Many thanks. Welcome to my own personal bullshit delivery system. #
@GrammarBlog: http://is.gd/Mbj - Here ya go, one more reason to hate the universe! #
Just got an asian paper lantern with included LED “candle” that flickers and is turned on and off by blowing on it. W. Oakland dollar store. #
This casual propagation of what is, at its heart, miracle technology… Sometimes it tugs at my innards, makes me think maybe there’s hope. #
@isforinsects seems to have come up with a partial solution for my 6/29 limerissue: he cuts them in half. This may or may not be acceptable. #
@xSeven why don’t you just leave? In related news, @intoner is working floor at Paul Oakenfold in SF right now. Hoping for hateful tweets. #
Douchebags still blasting shitty bass at 2AM. I pound the door and the junkie answers with an incredibly small boner tenting his PE shorts. #
What I can’t figure out, is how this passel of wheat-blonde Berkeley fratboys is here, Oakland, arid homeland of thugs and goths. Why here? #
I’ll be honest. I’m a wee bit upset that no one bothered to tell me that hair cuts, via a razor-cutter, are perfectly self-administratable. #
http://twitpic.com/386v - Testing the arachnid medical fetish porn delivery system. Report in with results, erectile response, poll numbers. #
@GrammarBlog You did that on purpose, you jerk. #

2008-06-29: Coagulated Twittering

Eliza Gauger — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 06:59:59 +0000

Size of the average limerick is approximately 150 characters. Damn it. There goes the greatest syndicated content usage idea I’ve ever had. #
Been clearing boxes and drifts of packing peanuts away from where I think the draft’s coming from. There’s a familiar, not unpleasant smell. #
The Douchebags Downstairs love to crank their bass, thudding shitty rap through my floorboards. I gently tip my subwoofer into a headstand. #
I unleash God of War to do bass battle with whatever sag-panted idiot is championing their noise. Another 200. to go on the sub knob, gents. #