Gibberings
Dad told me never to use XTREE when he wasn’t in the room.
August 29, 2008 ~ 09:54:04 AM * -07:00ST
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Log # 139
Tideland
The newest Terry Gilliam movie is best described as nightmarish. With no particular point, the end of the film evokes relief and embarrassment, as if you have just finished witnessing Gilliam pass an enormous gallstone. One feels the urge to let go his clammy hand, pat him gently and ask him if he feels better.
Tideland Review [Table of Malcontents]
by
Eliza Gauger on February 15th, 2007 ~ 04:43:34 PM
Slotted into Movies, Reviews, Table of Malcontents |
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Log # 40
Dead Man’s All-You-Can-Eat Calamari Buffet
I went to see Dead Man’s Chest opening night, first showing, all that nonsense. It held my attention all the way up until Squidbeard (played by a Bill Nighy who’s good to watch, but very undefined) gets doublecrossed by Jack for the first time. He’s on deck, surrounded by his fishy crew. And he opens the treasure chest…and there’s nothing inside…and he grits his teeth and tilts his head back and yells SPAAAARROWWWWWWWW and the camera zooms wayyyyy out.
I think that was when I knew for sure the movie was dead, and wasn’t coming back.
There’s a voodoo lady that’s damn keen, and the cursed crew of Innsmouthy fishpirates is neat, but Depp cakewalks, Bloom snores, and Knightly is unremarkable. There’s about a dozen plotlines and they’re all stupid.
There’s some genuinely fun swashbuckling, some vaguely interesting slash (the Sparrow and Elizabeth scenes could have been fun, maybe, if it weren’t so completely overwhelmed and if Sparrow was actually a character in this instead of a Hot Topic screenprint) and actually for about the first half of the film I was having a good time. But it’s two and a half hours long and once the poorly-animated Kraken shows up and the swordfights and explosions start in earnest, they DO NOT STOP. And you just sort of go numb and slump over in your seat.
And then you leave, feeling mightily abused.
That said, there’s a fabulous preview for a movie about a natural history museum and what happens there at night, which is something I was remarking to my friend about, when I went to the Field Museum in Chicago a few weeks ago. My concept was more of a zombie movie where the infection gets into the mummies and skeletons in the collection, but this is almost the same idea.
