Gibberings
Dad told me never to use XTREE when he wasn’t in the room.
July 18, 2008 ~ 10:04:53 PM * -07:00ST
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Log # 395
The Golden Age of Prints Approacheth (Again)
As I type this, I am one-fisting a foiled chicken burrito, naked, praying for death or at least coma.
I keep telling myself that Seattle will be worse this summer, that at least in Death Valley there is interesting wildlife and free-for-the-taking transients on every corner. I made the right choice, I say, wheezing. Gas may be five dollars per gallon, but all my motors run on hate. I’ll be fine.
I laid down a sizable smatter of smackers for a replacement printer today, meaning that the Etsy store is about to go back up.
ECTOBEE: I gonna die.
STICKYPIG: this heat is horrid.
ECTOBEE: I don’t even have AC.
ECTOBEE: I’m gonna be one of those old people you hear about, found jerkified on their sofas.
STICKYPIG: they will find you, full of sadness, but still start chewing on you.
When I stand up, my little folding camp chair remains adhered to my generous buttocks. I do this for you.
by
Eliza Gauger on June 20th, 2008 ~ 06:43:46 PM
Slotted into Artwork, Depressing, Etsy, Hate, Paintings, Photography |
1 Comment »
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Log # 279
Seriously.
Poiple: Audrey Kitching Needs Better Septum Jewelry’s first song: Fuck you guys. Fuck this keyboard. Fuck the Internet. DancedanceEverybodydance. (repeat x12)
by
Eliza Gauger on December 26th, 2007 ~ 11:40:21 AM
Slotted into Depressing |
No Comments »
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Log # 278
#ectomo on EFnet
[10:25am] Qyoo: Audrey Kitching needs better septum jewelry
[10:25am] Poiple: that’d be a great band name
[10:25am] Gauger: …shit, you’re right.
[10:26am] Gauger: Who is this Audrey person?
[10:26am] Qyoo: some random hair/model person
[10:26am] Qyoo: I’ve been going through hair stuff for the last week
[10:27am] Qyoo: apparently photobucket is the place to be for big folders of hair colors and cuts
[10:27am] Qyoo: thank god for 15 year old girls with a photobucket account and nothing to do
[10:27am] Gauger: …
[10:27am] Qyoo: fuck that sounded horrible
[10:28am] Poiple: that sort of defines the Internet
[10:28am] Gauger: I switched over to this window to talk about how crazy that cryoflesh model drives me, the gir, in a good way, but now I feel sort of sick.
[10:28am] • Nark high…fives?
[10:28am] Gauger: Thanks a lot, Q.
[10:28am] Gauger: As if my already-flacid libido needed any more discouragement.
[10:28am] Gauger: …the GIRL.
[10:28am] Gauger: Now I feel sicker.
[10:28am] Gauger: Fuck you guys.
[10:28am] Gauger: Fuck this keyboard.
[10:28am] Gauger: Fuck the internet.
[10:28am] Qyoo: thank you, good night
by
Eliza Gauger on December 26th, 2007 ~ 11:34:25 AM
Slotted into Depressing |
No Comments »
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Log # 266
Gentlemen?
The urge to write–formerly so all-powerful that I left a trail of scribblings along walls and pavement as I shuffled about my daily tasks, exactly as vermin leave fecal morse code wherever they tread–has all but abandoned me. I am absent from Destructoid, these blogs, and a mere gaseous afterimage of my former greatness on Ectomo.
I haven’t read my RSS feeds in many, many months. I’ve spent hours today, skimming your lives for salient factoids, attempting to update my near-static concept of Other Humans. It might be working. I’m really not sure.
The good news is that I have completed my opus. See below.
Ink on Post-It. 3 x 3″
by
Eliza Gauger on December 9th, 2007 ~ 09:00:51 PM
Slotted into Artwork, Depressing, Writing, Zombies |
No Comments »
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Log # 169
Grinding Noises
I realize, yes, that the last entry was a horrible chunk of insane blither. If you’re interested in actually making a fully-formed answer to the question “what’s up” spring, Athena-like, from my puckered brow, then I encourage you to skim the beast for news of home.
Otherwise you may carry on as normal.
Near the end I said something about acquiring an assistant. What I really need is a manager. Someone to tell me what I’m supposed to be doing, when, and for how much money. Say I’m an irritable young renaissance man with too many irons in the fire, a tight budget, and boundless aspirations. Is it possible to hire someone to organize my horrific life for me? Am I doomed to live in filth, nesting in the wadded-up pages of unfinished comics? What’s wrong with my brain, anyway? Why do I insist on taking on five and six projects at a time? Why can’t I find that other Netflix disc?! It’s been months!
Here’s an illustration from Unhallowed Metropolis that I don’t think I’ve posted yet. It’s a Dhampir, a half-vampire, hunter-for-hire sort of shonen character. I groaned when I read the description Jason gave me. The Sephiroth type gives me hives. Looking at this image now, for the first time in months after I completed it, I can see a slew of little irritating problems that are impossible to rectify, since the thing is already being printed. I sob with frustration.
by
Eliza Gauger on July 26th, 2007 ~ 01:09:09 AM
Slotted into Artwork, Comics, Depressing, Unhallowed Metropolis, Zombies |
2 Comments »
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Log # 149
Dave vs. Goliath Update 2: Wassco Ahoy, Bambi Bye Bye
Some quick updates, since I’ve been busy and haven’t caught up with the SA thread in a few days:
1. Goldman’s “Goodbye Bambi” logo has been removed from his site, following a post by goons. There was much discussion on SA about the hair trigger of the Disney legal team, and the Disney “piracy hotline” was called. As reluctant as I am to reinforce Disney’s megalomaniacal grip on ancient intellectual property, I think the ends justify the means in this case.
2. The giant Todd Goldman evidence repository located at Mike Tyndall’s site is now being mirrored at ThirdProject.net.
3. What the fuck, can’t he even spell “weenie” right?
4. Stickypig has suggested to me that Goldman is pulling the biggest performance art stunt ever devised. It is, in fact, more difficult to trace five images to create a shitty cartoon, than it is to simply draw a new one. Does this say something profound about the “remix culture”, or is Goldman just a psychopath? Goon Mythrandir has a similar hypothesis:
It’s no secret that he’s an asshole, but I just realized that everything I’ve heard about this guy doing– from his art thievery down to his bullshit interview comments and asshole behavior when cornered– is complete douchebaggery. Which got me thinking; maybe he’s actually a brilliant artist, and his real “art” is that he’s become the ultimate despicable character and wants to see how the world reacts.
It’s the only logical explanation for how someone can be “the perfect asshole;” down to the most mundane detail of their lives. That takes effort, and a real asshole would need to have at least a couple redeeming (or at least neutral) qualities. I’ll bet he even has an “asshole” way of making sandwiches or starting his car or something.
5. Kelly states that he cannot discuss details of the case, and will not speak to the press at this time.
6. The Consumerist is on board.
7. Kelly also confirms that Chris Wass of Wassco (original artist from which a great deal of Goldman’s tracings have come) has been contacted about all this, and should not be sent any more email on the subject.
8. Goldman is now altering existing designs on his site, such as changing the face on this clipart fat kid, (original can be seen on the magnet, new face [taken from the Boys Are Stupid image] on the sticker) presumably to make them “different” enough to pass as original work in court.
9. The comment thread at Table of Malcontents is alive and simmering with rage, albeit with the absence of commentor “Totally Wrong”, lone defender of Goldman, who had his IP traced to davidandgoliath.com.
10. In the case of Rogers vs. Koons, (thanks, goon ruth232) we find hope for a reasonable outcome, should Dave vs. Goliath go to court: The Court found both “substantial similarity” and that there was access to the picture. The similarity was so close that the average lay person would recognize the copying. Thus the sculpture was found to be a copy of Rogers’ work.
11. On April 26, Kelly closes the thread and says there will be an update on the weekend or the following Monday (April 30). But…no update yet. We’re rooting for you, Shmorky.
This list has been added to the megapost, and crossposted to my LJ.
by
Eliza Gauger on May 3rd, 2007 ~ 11:21:19 AM
Slotted into Artwork, Comics, Depressing, Digital, Future, Hate, Paintings, Pirates, Table of Malcontents, The Internet, Wired |
1 Comment »
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Log # 148
Dave and Goliath: the Internet vs. Todd Goldman, Todd Goldman vs. Me
UPDATED APRIL 24TH, 9PM: See bottom of post. Evidence that Goldman’s probably puppeteering his own online “defenders”, and art distributors are starting to remove his work from their storefronts.
Todd Goldman, aka “Goliath”, maker of the eponymous “Boys Are Stupid, Throw Rocks at Them” t-shirt, stands accused by artists and the internet of mass plagiarism. His lawyers sent Wired.com, where I am a blogger, a cease and desist in regards to an article I posted about certain allegations being made against him. That article has now been taken down, and replaced with an image of the C&D that I received. Here is a Google cache of the original post.
This was not my decision, it was the decision of the Wired higher-ups, who were advised to do so by their legal counsel. I have been firmly instructed not to post anything else regarding Goldman on Wired. The C&D does not address my website, LiveJournal, or any other venue.
This is the straight poop.
A few days ago I posted an article on the Wired blog I work for, Table of Malcontents. The post was on the subject of Mr. Goldmann’s run-in with internet-famous cartoonist, Dave Kelly aka “Shmorky”. Dave Kelly is the creator of the Purple Pussy webcomic and Something Awful’s excellent flash animation column, the Flash Tub.
On April 6th, 2007, Kelly posted in the Something Awful forums about the stunning similarity between one of Goldman’s recent paintings, and a Purple Pussy panel from 2001.
LEFT: Purple Pussy drawing from September 19th, 2001
RIGHT: Todd Goldman’s painting, circa 2007
Goldman made at least two paintings of the same design, which were essentially similar. I am under the impression he sold both of them, almost certainly for several thousand dollars apiece, as this is the going rate for his work. A few days after Kelly contacted him, Goldman’s publicist starting posting the following press release in forums and threads:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
POST POP-ARTIST, TODD GOLDMAN, CONTROVERSAL PAINTING
CLEARWATER, FL, April 11, 2007- Popular post pop-artist, Todd Goldman who has made a career of making fun of the world with his sarcastic commentary and cartoon icons, has mistakenly used the design of an another artist in two of his recent paintings. Todd’s painting, “Dear God, Please Make Everyone Die”, was inspired from a drawing he received unbeknownst to him belonging to an underground web comic artist David “Shmorky” Kelly.
In addition to painting, Todd designs t-shirts for his clothing company, David & Goliath. Todd and his design team create and receive thousands of design ideas every month. It’s no secret that Goldman creates a lot of his painting ideas from his t-shirt designs. Goldman says “I made a judgment error and didn’t research the background of this particular submission. “My intention was not to copy Mr. Kelly. I have never seen his work before and would never intentionally knock-off someone else’s idea.”
Goldman has issued a formal apology to Mr. Kelly and has stated that he will not be using his design again in the future. As a gesture of good faith, Goldman has pledged not profit from his mistake. He will instead donate his proceeds from the painting directly to Mr. Kelly or his charity of choice.
However, no money has been issued and Goldman is stalling, claiming that he “needs to find out how many paintings were sold.”Anyone contacting Goldman via his email, or through his official MySpace about the issue received the following reply:
Thanks for the inquiry! Here’s my inspiration! Every month I paint the works of a pedophile. This week, I chose the work of Dave Kelly, he’s a huge infantilist furry. This is someone who draws baby anthropomorphic animals either wetting themselves or jacking off. I’m not kidding. Once again, his name is Dave Kelly and this is his FTP full of his lovely art, there are even some photos of the artist himself, handsome fellow isn’t he?
http://seth.beepboopinternet.com/davekelly/
Next month, please look for my special pedophile/serial killer series when I recreate the works of Jeffrey Dahmer.
Once again thanks for your support and please help me with my cause by spreading the word and showing the world just how creative pedophiles can be.
Do it for the kids.
Todd
Here is a screencap of the MySpace message. Here is a paste of the email, with full headers.
The “pedophile” art in question was a forgotten archive of commissioned work that Kelly had created, to spec, for various clients, as freelance artists sometimes must do. The owner of seth.beepboopinternet.com has since posted an apology in the SA thread for (however unwittingly) giving Goldman any sort of ammunition, voiced his unflagging support of Kelly, and deleted the directory in question.
It is notable that Goldman sent this email, with links to pornography, to several minors. This is in violation of MySpace’s Terms of Service, and caused Goldman’s account to be deleted.
The “toddharrisgoldman” profile address was parked by a goon and filled with comparison shots between Goldman work and the original work of myriad artists. The goon lost control of the account, which was then presumably handed over to Goldman, and filled with obscene material.
Just afterwards, many MySpace profiles of those who spoke out against Goldman, or who were fans of Kelly, were phished, destroyed (all friends and formatting deleted), and some even replaced with an image stating “TODD WAS HERE”. This image was hosted on Goldman’s server, as shown by this screenshot. The image has since been deleted, but the MySpace accounts cannot be restored. Victims who contacted MySpace abuse were sent a useless boilerplate.
Yesterday I was able to talk to a source at MySpace who assured me that the profile hijacking bore all the hallmarks of hacking/phishing, and were almost certainly not an inside job. Furthermore, he described the main MySpace abuse address as a “bottomless pit” and advised all those with phishing grievances to make sure and select “Reporting Abuse” and then “Phishing/Fake Logins” as the nature of the complaint on this page.
Meanwhile, coder Mike Tyndall is busily constructing a massive archive of all images, information, and links relevant to the accusation that Goldman is stealing. While the Dear God painting is most similar to its supposed source material, there is a vast trove of other parallels drawn between Goldman’s work, and older material by other artists. These images and artists include Roman Dirge’s goth comic book character “Lenore”, Jim Bent’s “Happy Bunny” slogans, Liz Greenfield’s “Stuff Sucks” goldfish, Blank Generation Shirts, Threadless Shirts, Windows 3.1, American Apparel, School House Rock, a cartoonist named Kramer from Mitre Magazine, T-ShirtHumor.com, Busted Tees, and a dozen artists who’ve been lost in the seas of time and internet.
Tyndall was threatened with a C&D from the Goldman legal team on April 19th, and has altered the text of his page to remove anything that could be regarded as libelous. He continues to update.
But this, ladies and gentlemen, is the piece de resistance. As mentioned at the beginning of this post, Goldman’s magnum opus is the “Boys Are Stupid, Throw Rocks at Them” logo seen on millions of babydoll t-shirts worn by 13-year-old girls. The Something Awful Goons have come through yet again, and decided to show us this image:
There are dozens of similar examples on Tyndall’s site, but this in particular is shocking. Many goons are viewing it as the masterstroke, although the Purple Pussy similarities are stronger.
Additionally, it appears that Goldman may be Goldman’s only defender. A recent comment on the Wired post reveals the IP address of the outspoken commentor known as “Totally Wrong”, who has been frequenting the comment thread there since just after it was posted, attacking the credibility of me, Kelly, commentors, and generally cheerleading Goldman. Totally Wrong has also posted comments using other aliases, going so far as to invoke the holocaust and Nazi Germany. If Godwin’s law were admissable in court, there’d be an airtight case against him.
Here’s the comment that reveals the IP:
Totally Wrong’s IP is 216.199.39.18.
This IP also posted comments under the following aliases:
- Totally Wrong Again
- Auntie Semite (”This link is funnier btw…”)
- goon number 2 (”Believe everything after…”)
- O.J. (”If the glove don’t fit…”)
- Shmorky (”I’m famous, dammit…”)
LINKS and REFERENCE
1. Purple Pussy [a webcomic by Dave Kelly]
— a. Dear God, Make Everyone Die, Amen This is the panel in question.
2. Holy cow, Todd (Goliath) Goldman ripped me off! [Something Awful forums]
This gigantic thread is updated constantly, and is the best source for super-current information.
3. Todd Goldman: Art Thief? [Mike Tyndall]
This is currently the most comprehensive archive of Dave vs. Goliath evidence and information, and is updated regularly.
4. David & Goliath: Shameless Art Thievery, Ahoy [Wired]
See Google’s cache of the original post here
This is my post at Table of Malcontents, now replaced by the C&D image. Has a thriving comment section full of stuff by a commentor called Totally Wrong that seems like it is from Goldman direct.
5. Kind of a Big Dealio [LiveJournal]
Roman Dirge addresses the Goldman issues and relates the specifics of the Lenore case.
UPDATES
APRIL 24TH, 9PM:
More evidence that Goldman is sockpuppeting his own defense:
“Totally Wrong’s IP is 216.199.39.18.”
That’s Tampa Bay, Florida.
Which by an astonishing coincidence is Todd’s locality. See
for his email headers, showing that his mailserver is at 216.199.185.166 (smtp.davidandgoliathtees.com
Note that all 216.199.x.y addresses are part of the same netblock belonging to FDN:
http://geotool.servehttp.com/whois/?query=216.199.39.18
BUSTED AGAIN ASSHOLE!!!!
As reported by goon Scaramouche, AnimationGallery.com, a fine art lithograph distributor, has removed their Goldman section, and posted this message:
Due to the recent postings regarding Todd Goldman’s artwork,
we are not showing his art until we have resolution from the distributor.
If you have any concerns, please do not email us. Instead, contact S2 directly.
by
Eliza Gauger on April 24th, 2007 ~ 04:17:15 PM
Slotted into Artwork, Comics, Depressing, Digital, Hate, Paintings, Table of Malcontents, The Internet, Wired |
4 Comments »
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Log # 138
Caller IQ
My cell number is in the Chicago area code. Primarily because my nighttime minutes start three hours earlier than other west coasters, but also because I was simply in the area when I opened the account.
People usually do not take me seriously when I speak about the ignorant rabble that infests the otherwise fascinating and artful city of Chicago. But having recently seen Idiocracy and being haunted by the similarity of the future-stupids to modern Chicagoans, I will elucidate.
Since starting this phoneline, I have received three to five calls a week from the Windy City. A typical one goes like this:
My phone rings. I do not recognize the number, but know it is from Chicago by the area code.
ME
Hello?
CALLER
(silence, perhaps some mouthbreathing, slurping, or chewing)
ME
Hello?!
CALLER
Hello?
ME
Yes, who is this?
CALLER
Pam?
ME
What?
CALLER
Uh, is Pam there.
CALLER
Huh?
ME
The wrong number. There is no Pam at this number.
CALLER
Uh. For real?
ME
Yes. Goodbye.
I hang up. Thirty seconds later, the phone rings again. Same number.
ME
Hello?
CALLER
(silence)
They hang up.
This is the call I got tonight. The vary slightly, my favorites being the ones in which the urban accent is so strong, the mouth so muffled by rolls of corn-fed midwestern blubber, that I literally cannot understand what the other person is saying. Those calls escalate to shouting matches, similar to the ones that occur between fun-loving American tourists and exasperated ethnic shopkeepers in summer vacation caper movies.
What puzzles me most, is the utter lack of response to my initial “Hello?”. I have never encountered this before. Phone calls–the phone calls I have participated in up until acquiring this phone–open with a universal and linear script:
A. Ring
B. Hello?
C. This is (name of person) and I (am looking for, am calling about, would like to know) (object of phone call).
D. The conversation starts, based on C.
Cell phones modify this script only if the person calling is in your address book, in which case you can skip ahead:
A. Ring.
B. Hey (name of person), what’s up?
C. The conversations starts.
Efficient. Practical. Polite. Universally understandable. It’s the grammar of conversation. Why the silence following my obviously curious “Hello”? Why the complete lack of response to an inquiry about the identity of the caller? Why attempt to continue the call after being informed of a wrong number?
My word isn’t good enough for them, I suppose. Pam must be here, somewhere, just out of reach. I am lying, or perhaps stupid, and she is definitely here. Their fingers stabbed true, their identity and intent is blazingly obvious to all they reach out to, and they owe me nothing. I am the asshole. They just have to ask a few more times, and Pam will appear.
by
Eliza Gauger on February 13th, 2007 ~ 01:47:25 AM
Slotted into Depressing, Future, Hate |
1 Comment »
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Log # 124
Your Kink is NOT OKAY
http://www.flipfloperotic.blogspot.com/
You people disgust me.
by
Eliza Gauger on January 3rd, 2007 ~ 08:08:41 PM
Slotted into Depressing, Fashion, Fetish Models, Hate |
No Comments »
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Log # 114
“Milk”
From chrisfurniss.
Oh god.
This is the only reason I can get paid to do what I do.
