Gibberings
Dad told me never to use XTREE when he wasn’t in the room.
August 29, 2008 ~ 09:04:14 AM * -07:00ST
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Log # 96
Best of Kotaku: Florian Buys Bully
As of today, I am going to start putting my favorite selections from my own Kotaku posts here, as by this point, I’ve probably produced a novel’s-worth of text for the site. Some of it, I’m quite proud of.
But today’s selection is by Florian Eckhardt, my half-black, albino, femme lesbian lover and staunch ally against the forces of LOL, fanboyism, and e-mailed lawsuit threats from the Jackass Jihad. And I don’t mean Bam and company; those kids are alright.
Moving on. One of my favorite things about Florian’s writing is his descriptions of violence. Much as I excel at describing filthy things, Eckie’s proclivities tend towards the pugilistic. This is from his post describing his nigh-thwarted attempt to purchase Bully, aka Canis Canem Edit.
“I need to see some ID, sir” he demanded. I considered grasping him by the lapels and swinging my hand back and forth in a devastating, sweeping arc across the pimply jowls of his blubbery face, shaking him awake again when he was on the verge of passing out. A Mike Hammer style bitch slap, as it were. But I quickly calmed down.
Aside from the pure ridiculousness of doubting Florian’s age (he’s in his mid-sixties, a veritable silver Humbert), the game store employee was carding him not because of the stink bombs, wedgies and shoving, but because of the same-sex spit-swapping. Comedy gold.
